*note* This was written around late January but it's worthy enough to be posted via LJ. Also, this article has undergone editing for those of you that have already read it. Therefore you're now obligated you to read it again.

I remember thinking that Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans was doing an alright job. Of course, that was back when I was apathetic, uninformed and believed that all black politicians had the “no bullshit,” “hard upbringing” mentality. After Katrina, it became obvious that Nagin’s unprepared, ill-equipped performance of the handling of the Katrina disaster was the exception to the rule. Ok, well maybe it was an accident that he never utilized New Orleans’ public transportation system to get people without cars out before the storm, and maybe it was an accident when he acted inappropriately during interviews, undermining the intelligence of himself and the city’s citizens, and maybe it was an accident when he wasted precious time arguing with Governor Blanco over what was the right way to deal with the disaster instead of dealing with the disaster. I mean, when it comes to saving lives fast, you need to find bullshit to argue over before you take action.

I know that’s what I do. I remember when I was in my running-over-dogs phase, and I ran over this dog. My sister said we “had” to save its life. I guess having a vagina spurred on the waterworks because she began to sob. “H-H-How c-ca-can we j-j-just leave it h-h-hear to dieeee?!” I told her animals like to be with nature, and my car isn’t nature. While gently petting it she exclaimed, “Well, th-th-this concrete r-r-road isn’t n-n-nature either,” but by that time the dog had died, but not before shitting all over her lap. “See, if you wouldn’t have spent this precious time arguing with me, then maybe someone else would have come and saved this dog’s life... and maybe you wouldn’t be wearing shitty pants.” She gave me an icy glare so I introduced her to all five of my knuckles.

And that’s what Nagin should have done to Governor Blanco. But he didn’t. He kept arguing while drowning people had to wait longer and longer for federal aid. Taking all these ‘accidents’ into account, I began to mildly dislike Nagin. My discontent turned into passionate hatred, sheer loathing, pure despise, great repugnance, and incalculable resentment when Nagin publicly addressed the nation in a speech regarding his vision of New Orleans.

He said:

Well, I guess he doesn’t want people with the money coming back, because it certainly isn’t “chocolate” who are churning the New Orleans economy. Aww, that’s racist. No it’s not. It’s the fucking truth. What’s ironic is that the “chocolate” Nagin beseeches, they’re too fucking poor to return to their shit-hole, flooded homes anyways. And why bother when FEMA’s paying for their trailers and groceries. Why would Nagin “shout out” to only his homies on national T.V? Hmmmmmm, could it be because these illiterate dumbasses are the ones who voted him into office in the first place? Oh nos! How is Nagin going to get reelected without his “chocolate?!”

When a reporter confronted the mayor questioning the integrity of his speech (which he gave on MLK Day of all days) Nagin responded:

“Do you know anything about chocolate? How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That’s the chocolate I’m talking about.”

[Translation:] “I only love black people, but in my mind, my vague analogy of chocolate milk, which combines the mixture of both black and white colored ingredients, will symbolize the harmony between black and white people, thus, redeeming myself from any “inappropriate” or “racist” connotation people claim I have made. Holla Snoop!”

Do you know what type of people declare ridiculous non sequiturs like this? Stupid people with no political experience. If I had to guess what Ray Nagin was doing before elected into office, I would have imagined he held a high position job somewhere in the dick sucking industry. I did some research and was disappointed to discover that Nagin never sucked dick officially but instead worked for Cox Communications prior to his mayorship. This immediately brought up the question: How does a cable guy with no political experience get elected mayor to a major American port city? In the words of Y-2-Khai, “Like Wow!” If he was elected in some rural town in God’s Country USA, then I’d of been like, “Oh that doesn’t surprise me,” …but New Orleans?! Then again, this is America, a place where two actors from 1987 action flick Predator have been elected governor.

I can only hope to God somebody kills Mayor Nagin before I do. Wouldn’t it be ironic if, while eating a Hershey bar, Nagin died of a heart attack. Hahahaha. If that happened, I’d probably consider going back to church, but upon my first visit realize how much church sucks and never go back.